Rattus rattus
by shrinni
Summary: What goes through the mind of a wizard-turned-rat? Wormtail’s thoughts on his betrayal of the Potters and hiding with the Weasleys. One-shot.


_Summary: What goes through the mind of a wizard-turned-rat? Wormtail's thoughts on his betrayal of the Potters and hiding with the Weasleys. One-shot._

**Disclaimer: ** I claim dis.

_**Rattus rattus**_

Wormtail, who was once known as Peter Pettigrew, was a rat.

Oh, he had been a man once. But he had spent so long in his animagus form that he could barely remember what it was to be human. The rat brain just wasn't complex enough to hold all the memories of his past.

Everything had slowly slipped away until he could no longer recall the normal, boring moments of his past life. The only memories Wormtail could hold on to were ones attached to particularly strong emotions, good and bad.

The joy from the first time James and Sirius had included him in one of their pranks still stood out, as did his terror the first time he discovered that Remus was a werewolf. That memory was one of crippling shame as well, when he realized that the other Marauders' first thoughts were of how to _help_ Remus instead of fear and disgust.

But most of Wormtail's memories from his school days were simply gone. On the other hand, his memories of the Dark Lord were as strong as ever.

The pants-wetting terror of being approached by Bellatrix Lestrange and realizing his only options were either to accept the role as a Death Eater spy or to die. Wormtail was a survivor, he chose to turn traitor.

The shame and guilt of accepting the Dark Mark that could not entirely cover the secret thrill that finally, _finally_, he was doing something out of the shadow of his old friends.

The torture and manipulation the Dark Lord used on a regular basis to condition his servants into blind devotion.

And of course, becoming the Potter's Secret Keeper and betraying them to the Dark Lord. The betrayal itself was actually colored only by relief – knowing deep down that there was no other act that he could commit that would ever be as terrible. At the time Wormtail had thought it a purging, finally releasing his old allegiances once and for all.

Then it all went pear-shaped, and he came the horrible realization that he had been wrong, terribly wrong, to trust the Dark Lord not to bugger it up.

Wormtail had entered the house in Godric's Hollow when he heard the Dark Lord scream in pain. He had rushed past the corpse of his old friend, trying not to look in the empty eyes. Up the stairs and into the destroyed nursery… and Wormtails world was torn down around his ears.

Harry Potter, the baby the Dark Lord had become obsessed with destroying, wailed loudly and reached through the slats of his crib for his mother. Lily Potter lay not far from the crib but she would never again soothe her son's cries. Wormtail vaguely remembered feeling a stab of remorse that Lily was dead – they had also been good friends. She had understood his un-Gryffindorish fears when he was too ashamed to admit them to the Marauders.

There was a pile of robes laying next to the crib, and his master's wand lay atop them. Wormtail knew then that he had to run. He had snatched up the Dark Lord's wand and fled the scene.

Near-gibbering in terror, Wormtail had started apparating all over the country to confuse any searchers. He had nearly collapsed in exhaustion before he remembered that no one but Sirius knew of his betrayal and it would be easy, so very easy, so implicate Sirius.

He had already betrayed two friends to their deaths in order to save himself, what was one more on top of that?

He vividly remembered the pain of slicing off his own finger, but the details of his conversation with Sirius before that were hazy.

Then he had transformed into a rat and hadn't been human since.

At first it had been stressful – finding a family that would take him in so he could keep an eye on the wizarding world. After finding Percy Weasley he had calmed down and settled into a life of laziness.

It wasn't until much later that he even realized he was losing his human memories. He was even starting to call himself 'Scabbers' in his remaining thoughts. The fear of discovery far outweighed his memory loss however.

Wormtail had always been a survivor.

Wormtail had resigned himself to the loss, and spent the majority of his time sleeping, both physically and mentally – letting the rat have complete control the majority of the time. It was easier that way.

Occasionally Wormtail resurfaced. Arthur and Molly Weasley sometimes talked about the war in hushed tones, which always made Wormtails ears perk up. When Albus Dumbledore had come to the Burrow to congratulate Bill Weasley on being made Head Boy Wormtail had clawed his way out of Percy's pocket and hid out in the garden until long after Dumbledore had left.

Finally Wormtail was passed on to the Weasley's youngest son, Ron. Wormtail felt a stab of fear when Ron first boarded the Hogwarts Express and befriended Harry Potter, but had just as quickly lapsed back into quiescence when it became clear that Potter was totally ignorant of the wizarding world.

Then Draco Malfoy and his two friends entered the compartment. The young heir's nasal voice sounded eerily like his father's, and Wormtail was forcefully reminded of his Death Eater training at the hands of Lucius Malfoy and Goyle Sr.

For someone as untrustworthy as Wormtail, the Dark Lord had not had enough time available to "teach Wormtail his place", and had placed a large portion of the intermittent torture Wormtail was forced to undergo into the hands of his lieutenants.

Wormtail's whiskers twitched angrily as he remembered the way Goyle laughed as he practiced the Cruciatus on him. For a moment the fear of discovery was forgotten as he considered that Goyle was allowed to raise his son in peace while Wormtail lived as pet.

When Gregory Goyle reached for the candy lying on the seat near him, Wormtail snapped. In what was quite possibly his bravest action since before he had graduated Hogwarts, he launched himself at the reaching fingers and bit down as hard as he could.

The next moment was a bit of a blur, but Wormtail found himself flying through the air. The impact brought him abruptly back to his senses.

The terror came back, and Wormtail desperately pretended to be asleep when Ron picked him up to check on his pet. How could he have been so stupid to risk exposure like that?

For the rest of the train ride, Wormtail 'slept' as he deliberately submerged himself beneath the rat's mind.

He vowed to never do anything brave again. He was a survivor.

* * *

**AN:** The nice part about listening to audiobooks is you can let your mind wander as you listen. So thoughts like "why on earth would Wormtail bite Goyle in the first book?" are allowed to fester. Working through what he was thinking at that moment inspired this ficlet.


End file.
